So this is growing up?

I promise everyone, I really am funny. Just the other day I was telling a joke and my sister literally almost peed her pants.
I’m just not feeling it lately.

Today I swung by Barnes & Nobel with my Mommy Dearest, which is ALWAYS a bad idea. The two of us in a book store? SHUT IT DOWN NOW, WE’RE NOT LEAVING UNTIL WE BUY SOMETHING! Unfortunately I was in a rather sour disposition… It could have been because my back was sore, I was dizzy, and I hurt all over… but it’s a strong possibility that I was in a sour disposition because, well, that’s just me. Plus, she was taking longer than I was!


Book stores make me VERY uncomfortable. I’m not sure why. I think it has to do with the yuppies sitting in the chairs reading, or the fact that there’s a coffee shop inside? I don’t know. I much prefer the comfort of a library. Tall shelves packed with every book imaginable. The quietest place on earth, surrounded by the best smelling books. (Seriously, have you smelled a book lately? I wish they could bottle that smell into a perfume!) The library workers leave you alone unless you come to them, there’s no “HI! WELCOME TO BORDERS, HOW CAN I HELP YOU?! WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIGN UP FOR OUR REWARD CARD SO YOU DON’T FEEL SO TERRIBLY BAD ABOUT SPENDING 50$ ON TWO BOOKS?!” Libraries are just much more peaceful and serene. Plus, even the patrons leave you alone. I like solidarity in case you hadn’t noticed as much.


Anyway, I picked up a copy of “The Time Traveler’s Wife” because somewhere in my 8 flights across the pacific ocean, it’s managed to disappear. I absolutely love this book the parallels between the wife of a Time Traveler and the wife of a military man are almost astounding. It’s a constant waiting game. Never knowing where your husband is, or whether he’s safe, or when he’s coming back is a hard thing for people to understand- so I was really able to relate to this woman from the get-go, which is probably why this is one of my favorite books. (Plus, the fact that they chose Rachel McAdams and Eric whats his face to play the characters in the movie? That’s a wonderful bonus- I’m pretty excited.)

The book is wonderful, but I always forget how close to home it hits! So I always end up in a mess of tears before it's over.
I was laying in bed, crying my eyes out, and the baby kicked. Just a playful little kick, but enough to make me put my book down. It was one of the first times that I’ve actually been able to SEE the baby kick, and it made me so happy I thought my heart would burst from all of the love I felt in that moment. He continued on his little kicking rampage for quite a few minutes, and each time they were progressively harder- by the time he finally settled down my stomach ached from laughing so hard, and my eyes hurt from the combination of book crying, and happy tears.


Now, I KNEW this book was going to make me think of my husband, which is the main reason I read it. However, this baby thing- sort of broke my heart. While I was OVER THE MOON about seeing Michael Jr. kick, I was heartbroken because all I wanted to do in that moment was place Michael’s hand on my belly and let him feel the little person that is slowly growing inside of me. Our miscarriages killed us. To be so young, and have such a horrible thing happen TWICE in a row made us doubt that we deserved a child. So to feel this kicking, so real and concrete, it was like reassurance that our timing was finally right- we were finally going to be parents.

I can’t decide whether this thought is terrifying or exciting… so I may just have to settle for a combination of both.