I'm alive, I swear.

So we had the anatomy scan today. I keep saying we, even thought Michael isn’t here, lol so bare with me. He wasn’t cooperating, so we only got 3 pictures. He was sideways with his head buried down into my hip, looking like he was about try a summersault. Unfortunately, during the 45 minutes she tried to move him, he just kept rolling into a tighter ball! She was able to take some decent measurements, and see that he’s measuring about 6 days ahead (which at this point won’t change my due date at all) and he weighs about 15 ounces. I have to go back in 4 weeks to do a second anatomy scan, because they couldn’t get a good view of his head or the chambers in his heart. We were able to confirm that he is DEFINITELY still a boy though!

Here's a picture of how he was laying, I had to "illustrate" it because my husband couldn't see what he was supposed to be looking at.




First up, his profile. It's not a GREAT shot, but it's the best we could do today. Hopefully we get better shots later!

Then here's a shot of the "proof" that he's still a boy!



In other news, I really think I’m dealing with some depression. I’ve been spending the past week and a half just, laying in bed. I need to get out and do something, but I really can’t find the drive. I’m hoping that once Michael actually GETS overseas that I’ll be able to pull myself out of this funk. Because he’s REALLY not helping at all. I can't really describe the feeling that well, but anyone who suffers from depression knows what I mean. The feeling when you wake up in the morning, and despite the wonderful beautiful weather, just want to crawl back into bed and sleep for the rest of the day. I know this isn't healthy for me, or for the baby, but I can't seem to pull myself out of it. It's not like I cry every day, or break down frequently... but its just a general feeling of "blah". Someone asked me last year what "depression" felt like, and I told them "gray, a canvas painted gray" and that's exactly it. It's a black and white picture where you THINK you can see the blue in someone's eyes or the green of the grass... but when you look closely all you see is gray.
At least I have these reassuring kicks in my belly to keep me grounded. Otherwise? I think I might slip too far back. It's easier for me when the baby kicks and I can focus on the fact that it's not about me anymore. When I'm depressed, the baby isn't in the healthiest of environments; so I have to snap out of it!
I really think that being a mother, will be good for me. As selfish as it is, it'll give me something beautiful to wake up to every morning. :D